Insomnia
by Leo Shinatome
Summary: REVISED: Unable to sleep, Hisoka seeks out Muraki. What is happening to Hisoka and how will it affect Tsuzuki? The payback from the Queen Camellia has begun.
1. Teaser

YAY! Another fic! This is just a teaser! More coming soon! Muraki x Hisoka right now, but perhaps later there might be some Muraki x Tsuzuki. Ya never know! ^_^ Okay...I revised it a little, it reads a lot differently now. 

Insomnia:

Teaser…          

Hisoka opened his eyes and sighed. It was one thirty in the morning. The florescent green digits of his alarm clock lit the bare walls of his room with an eerie glow. The striped sheets had been ripped from their mooring by his tossing. He had gone to bed early this evening but no matter how hard he tried, he could not sleep. This had been a recurring pattern for four nights now. The lack of sleep was starting to seriously affect him, his eyes were shadowed, his face pale, and his temper short. The day before Tatsumi had taken him aside and informed him that he should take a day off. 

Hisoka had glared at him. "If you think I need rest how about you go talk to that walking bottomless pit that calls himself a Shinigami? He's the one who makes doing the slightest thing impossible." 

Tatsumi only gave Hisoka a stern look. "Then I suggest you work that out with your partner."

Hisoka's scowl had only intensified. Being reprimanded about partner relations by the man who had only been able to handle Tsuzuki for three months was almost unbearable. He had finally stalked out of the office at the end of the day, being chased by a teary violet-eyed puppy.

"Hisoka-kuuun! Doshita no? Genki desu ka *?"  He resisted the urge to violently kick said puppy ears over tail back to the office and settled for slamming the door in poor Tsuzuki's very confused face.  

Hisoka now sat up and rubbed eyes that felt full of sand. "Kuso…" he muttered. "I need to get something for this from Watari, another day without sleeping and I'll kill something." He paused, his hand still over his eyes, peering through his fingers into the dimly lighted room.

_ Tsuzuki wonders why I keep this room so plain...I can't stand the shadows. Does he know how many times I've woken in the night frightened and alone? Shadows are chilling company. If only one could forego sleep, then there would be no nightmares. I wonder if HE ever has nightmares...perhaps that's why he kills. Takes the energy of the dead to stave off his dreams. Would I ever be willing to take that path?_ A chill raced down Hisoka's spine at the thought. If asked any other time the answer would be a heated "No". But here, in the dark, with no comfort save for memories, any path from the pain would be welcome. If it meant escaping from thoughts of his family, his rape, his death, the darker parts of his heart would do anything. He would kill. With the thought finally completed, Hisoka felt *something* inside him pull. A feeling of dread seeped into him as he stood and walked to his dresser. 

_What am I doing?! _ Hisoka pulled on his clothes slowly, his hands strangely lethargic. His legs began to carry him out the door. _What is doing this to me?_ He wanted to fight, to run, but it was impossible. As he made his way down the street he found his answer. _You are doing this to yourself. What?! Why? You have to know. Know what? _But the strange sensation was gone. Hisoka stumbled and stopped. The reprieve lasted a few precious moments before he was again moving. He sped up, hurrying now.  As Hisoka ran, a tingling ache spread through his body. He did not need to look to know that under his clothes, the curse scars were smoldering like fire. 

* Translated: What's wrong? Are you alright?

Author's comments: *****

I KNOW it's short! I SAID teaser! Don't kill me please! *meeps* Rating might change later. It depends on how evil I'm feeling. 


	2. Waking Dreams

Author's notes: Okay! Here is part one to the teaser story! Hope you like it…my first lemony fic….

Insomnia: Part One

Once Hisoka crossed the border between Meifu into the world of the living he had no clue where to go. He looked around nervously. Tall skyscrapers loomed over his head, reflecting the pale glow of the moon. Tokyo, this was Tokyo. This knowledge did not soothe Hisoka. Where were all the lights? The streets were dark, unwelcoming. The blonde-haired boy forced himself to calm down and clear his mind. With his curse scars throbbing, it was easier said than done. Hisoka closed his eyes, a second later they snapped back open. He had not noticed before but now that he was out of Meifu the scars _pulled. It was a different sort of pulling than he had sensed earlier. The fine hairs on the back of his neck stood upright and he shivered, although the night was not cold.  He expanded his senses and by gut instinct and the tugging of his scars, wound his way through the dark city. _

            Hisoka looked up at the tall hospital building. He was only following the pull of his curse scars now. His gut had run away screaming a long time ago. He knew now that Muraki had something to do with this, HAD to have something to do with this.  Hisoka tried to pull himself under control but nothing would stop him from wavering. Something Muraki had said on the Queen Camellia teased his mind. He snatched at it, trying to remember clearly. However, his soul infuriatingly refused to let his mind pounce on the thought. The green eyed boy trembled more violently. If part of him didn't WANT to remember that was a bad sign. 

 He took a deep breath and vanished, materializing inside the hospital. The familiar smell of disinfectant and medicine occupied his nostrils. He hated that scent. The memories of loneliness and pain returned to him at that nostalgic aroma. He let his scars pull him up the stairs. He exited the stairwell on the seventh floor. Above him a solitary light flickered on and off. Each time it illuminated a sign, Surgery Wing. The corridor was windowless and dark, Hisoka could hear his footsteps echo on the cold linoleum.   He came to the door of an office and his scars stopped tugging. Hisoka resisted the urge to bolt. As much as he hated the constant tingling and aching, the scars had been the motivation that had kept him from following his common sense back to Meifu. It was now up to him to take the final step and open the door. 

            His fingers trembled on the handle. He gave one violent push and the door swung smoothly open. The office was simple, though pristine. Filing cabinets graced all of one wall. There was a computer set up on a simple desk with a reading lamp. It was normal, it was almost unused. But there was the silver devil, sitting at the desk. The only light came from the desktop lamp, illuminating a pile of papers that the doctor was attempting to fill out. All at once the reference that had been on the edge of his mind came to the forefront. 

            "The curse carved onto your body, permeating to your bones and tissue, even if you were reduced to a cell, it would still return. My little puppet that dances by my whim...In a sense, you are a reproduction of me.*"

            With the words still ringing in his ears Hisoka turned to flee. To hell with not sleeping! But it was too late; the doctor had already noticed him.

            "Well boy, I must admit this is unexpected." Muraki looked up from his papers and casually slid his glasses up his nose. He regarded Hisoka almost languidly, a slight smirk playing about the corners of his mouth. Hisoka felt rage build up inside him. Always condescending, always superior, he never let Hisoka forget that he was just a doll. 

"What do you mean unexpected? This is your doing isn't it?" Hisoka hissed. Muraki raised one slender silver eyebrow.

"Just WHAT is my doing boy? I can hardly be blamed for all the problems that arise in Meifu." 

"Don't toy with me. I'm not a child." All of a sudden Muraki was between Hisoka and the door. The boy felt a wave of panic as his escape route was blocked. 'How does he move so fast?' he thought frantically before cool logic kicked in. He forced himself to think rationally. He could always just teleport out of the office and back to Meifu if he needed to.

 "But you are a child." Muraki purred. "Such a pretty child." Hisoka's legs started to give way as fear surged over his anger. Muraki left his casual yet predatory stance at the door to catch the boy as his legs buckled. "I should tell you boy, I usually don't admit patients at this hour. I might feel inclined to permit this however. We do seem to have a tendency to meet in the hours of darkness." Muraki's tone was low and sensual. Hisoka felt his skin prickle; he regained his balance as fast as he could, and shoved at Muraki's supporting arms. The doctor, looking amused, permitted himself to be pushed away. He then resumed his indolent pose by the door. Hisoka drew himself upright and, before the last of his courage failed him, asked the question which had led him to this godforsaken place.

            "Why don't you ever sleep?"

            Muraki smiled at this and closed some of the distance between them. "Oh I do sleep occasionally. But why should I sleep when there are other things I could be doing?" Once again, before Hisoka's eyes could register, Muraki had moved. He was right beside him, bending to whisper in his ear. "Things much more…pleasurable." 

            A horrific tingle shot down Hisoka's spine at those words whispered like lover's endearments into his ear. Then his body jolted with pain and the ground came up to meet him. His head cracked on the hard tile making him see stars for a moment. The larger man's body was on top of him. Muraki's mouth clamped over Hisoka's. Before he could react to the invasion the boy arched in pain. Muraki was drawing his strength. Hisoka whimpered as all of his vitality was drained from him. After a moment Muraki stood and picked up the limp boy in his arms. He briskly strode out of his office to an examination room across the hall. Almost gently he laid Hisoka down on the examination table and sat down in a chair nearby. 

            Hisoka gasped, sweat beading on his forehead. "What did you do?" He managed to croak out. 

            Totally unperturbed, the doctor regarded him calmly. "I was merely absorbing energy. After my little run-in with your partner and his fire snake I've been recuperating. You Shinigami owe me one. After all you ARE completely composed of spiritual energy. I'm merely borrowing some for the healing process. You will feel better in a while."

            Hisoka was now feeling the stirrings of real panic. With what Muraki had just done he could not find the strength to teleport. His last escape option was gone. And now he was trapped alone with the man who had killed him. Muraki sensed the boy's growing dread and smiled to himself. He resettled himself in his chair.

            "You came here to ask why I do not sleep. Now why would you have come to that conclusion? Are you not sleeping? You must have remembered what I told you aboard that cruise ship. That you are a replication of me. Being such you fear that you are slowly coming to resemble myself correct?"

            Miserably, Hisoka nodded. Muraki allowed the smirk to show on his face. He stood and leaned over the prone boy. "And is that so terrible?" The doctor felt Hisoka stiffen.

            "I'm not a murderer! I don't want to be…" Despite his best effort to control them, tears started to well up. 

"Aaah…and is that what your heart tells you boy? That you could kill, and kill easily?"  Hisoka shut his eyes tightly so that he wouldn't have to see Muraki leer at him in triumph. Instead he felt fingers lightly touch his face, brushing the tears away. Muraki leaned in closer, again whispering into Hisoka's ear. "But the killing does not banish imaginings. Dreams when you are awake are so much more potent then dreams when sleeping. Shall I show you what mine are?" Muraki's lips brushed against Hisoka's pale skin. The doctor began undoing the buttons of the boy's shirt. "Your Tsuzuki did not sleep either you know. Not for eight years. Many times I have wondered what waking dreams he has had. Perhaps one day we shall find out." Hisoka was trembling again. He tried to push Muraki away but the man caught his wrists and pinned them over his head. 

            "s...stop…" Hisoka pleaded. "please…" Muraki ignored him and finished opening his shirt. The rest of his clothes soon followed. The doctor ran a sharp nail along creamy white skin.

            "I told you that night on the ship that one day I would pay you back. And since you have walked so voluntarily into my arms I think that day has come." Muraki's body was now completely covering Hisoka. The boy almost gagged on the older man's dark lust. Muraki ground his hips into Hisoka's and the boy yelped as pain shot through him. A low chuckle sounded in Muraki's throat. "I suppose I should know better than to play rough with my doll. It won't do to have it break." Muraki's hips were gentler now, rolling against Hisoka's, sending waves of pleasure through his body. Soon Muraki had also shed his clothes and the two rocked against each other. Hisoka let out a low moan and Muraki laughed quietly. "Desperate for it are you boy?" He traced a hot tongue along the ridges of the youth's ear. 

"No." Hisoka gasped. "Please!" The doctor again ignored him. Muraki spread the boy's legs with his knees and positioned himself at his entrance. Finally loosing his patience he thrust forward. Hisoka's head snapped back, his spine arching off the table in agony, his mouth open in a soundless scream. As Muraki moved above him he could sense that he was just a doll in this, a substitute. Tsuzuki was what Muraki really wanted. Hisoka could withstand this if it meant keeping his partner safe. 

            A hiss reached Hisoka's ears. "You think you can ignore me? Constantly a barrier to what I want. You will regret interfering with me." Muraki thrust harder and Hisoka gasped. The doctor worked his body, bringing him to the edge of completion then stilling within him, waiting for the boy to beg. Dawn found Hisoka writhing and beneath the man. As the doctor continued his assault the boy directed one last thought towards Meifu. 

            _Tsuzuki, please don't try to find me!_

Author's notes: *****

I think that's the darkest thing I've ever written…please review and tell me if it really sucked!

*This quote was provided by Theria's manga translations. The quote comes from book 3 part 2. Translations can be found at www.theria.net/yaminomatsuei


	3. Sleeping talents

Insomnia Part 2 

Author's stuff:

Wow…do I suck at writing long chapters! I'm sorry people…it just isn't in me! *sob* Anyhoo, I hope you all like this new chapter. PLEASE review, it gives me writing juices. *nummy* …………………….0.o (I scare myself sometimes)

@+++++{=====================

_Tsuzuki, please don't try to find me!_

Tsuzuki sat up in bed gasping. _What a nightmare… He looked around his bedroom, needing the security that all was in place. His eyes took in the mussed Japanese style futon, the various articles of clothing spread about, and several stuffed animals. Even with the reassurance that nothing was wrong here, the fear in the pit of his stomach did not diminish._

  He quickly stood and got dressed, barely allowing time to get his shoes on properly before he was out the door and walking briskly up the street to Hisoka's small cottage. He needed to see if his partner was alright. He needed to know that it was just a dream. Tsuzuki looked at the peaceful little house. With large windows and lattice-work fencing it could almost be termed "cute". A few potted plants resided here and there, though they were the type that is hardy and doesn't need much care. Tsuzuki strode past a small evergreen bush to rap on the door.

 Hisoka did not answer the first knock, or the second, or the third. _Oh no…it was real!_ Tsuzuki began to panic. "HISOKA!" He took a few steps back and kicked in the door. When the object fell out of the way Tsuzuki peered into the depths of the house. The first thing he saw was a pair of burning green eyes. 

            "BAKA!!! What was that for?!" Tsuzuki flinched as Hisoka's yell rocked the whole house.

            "Aaa…eto…ano …you didn't answer…I knocked three times…"Tsuzuki was in teary-eyed puppy mode once again. "I was worried about you." 

            Hisoka glared at him. "Those "three" knocks were spaced a half-second apart. I WAS coming to get the door." Hisoka's look turned to one of pure venom. "I guess its unnecessary now. Just WHAT did you need me so desperately for?" 

            Tsuzuki tried to hide in his coat. "I just had a dream…you were in trouble…" 

            Hisoka was almost foaming at the mouth now. "You broke my door because of a DREAM?!" 

Tsuzuki shuffled his feet, looking down at his untied shoes. "I'm sorry Hisoka…it's just, have you not been sleeping?" 

            Hisoka looked startled at this. "Why do you care?" 

            "Please tell me…" The green-eyed boy looked troubled. He brushed a hand through his hair before replying.

            "No, I haven't been sleeping. But it doesn't matter."

            "Did you go to visit Muraki last night?"

            Hisoka looked taken aback. "How did you know about that?" 

            "It was in my dream. Hisoka…he didn't…hurt you did he?" Tsuzuki's eyes begged Hisoka not to hide anything from him. 

            But the boy only shook his head. "No, we just talked. He "borrowed" some of my energy but after I had recovered a little bit he just let me go." 

            Tsuzuki still did not look reassured. "Hisoka…are you telling me the truth?" 

            Hisoka snapped. "YES I'm telling you the truth baka! He let me go. Don't ask me why but he did." His expression turned from anger to suspicion. "Have you been following me Tsuzuki? How did you know I visited him last night?" 

            "I told you. I had a dream, about you visiting Muraki." 

            The green eyed boy scoffed. "This is from the person who dreamed that Muraki had hired Tatsumi to paralyze him, AND had a vision of Muraki with his arms hacked off? Forgive me if I don't have too much faith in your dreams." As soon as it came out of his mouth Hisoka knew it had been the wrong thing to say. 

Tsuzuki paled at the mention of the vision that had shaken him so much at the Count's party. The sight of Muraki's mangled torso had disturbed him, but what really distressed Tsuzuki were Muraki's proclamations that HE was to blame for crippling him. The violet eyed man's guilt had lain near the surface of his mind long after the Kyoto incident. Not wanting his friends to worry about him, he had tried his best to function around it. Hisoka's barbs hit deep and tore.

"Sorry for disturbing you Hisoka." He said quietly. He turned to leave.

Hisoka felt a wash of guilt. He hadn't meant to hurt Tsuzuki. "Wait" He reached out to stop the older man but Tsuzuki shied out of his reach. Hisoka only managed to brush the tips of his fingers against Tsuzuki's. 

            Suddenly there was a jolt as if an electric current had passed between them. Both of them pulled away abruptly. Hisoka pulled his tingling hand up to his chest. Tsuzuki just bowed his head and quickly shuffled away. 

_What was that all about? I have to find him and apologize. I'll see him at work. Tatsumi won't let him get off no matter what. _

Even so, Hisoka couldn't help but wonder if there was more going on in that conversation than he realized. He hadn't noticed before but lately his empathy wasn't telling him much.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tsuzuki blinked, trying to adjust his eyes as he walked into the office. While Juu oh Cho was always well-lit, nothing could compare to the brightness outside. As he waited for the spots to fade from his vision the violet-eyed man sighed. It was hardly ever rainy in Meifu, most of the time the weather was pleasant. "I don't think I've ever seen a real storm here." He murmured to himself. 

"The only storms around here are the ones YOU create." A disdainful voice sounded behind him. Tsuzuki turned around to face Terazuma. He was lounging, as usual, in the swivel chair by his desk. Regarding Tsuzuki with the usual contempt he settled back even further "One would think that after seventy years you would have learned how to control yourself." 

Tsuzuki glared. "Ah so now you remember I've been working here seventy years. With all the respect YOU give me one would think I've only been working five. And as I recall, the last "storm" that hit Meifu was assisted by a certain black feline." Terazuma's glare faltered. 

_Of course he WOULD bring that up. _Tsuzuki jumped as a voice sounded in his head. _So like him to exploit weaknesses like that. I suppose he thinks that it's his right with TWELVE shikigami serving him. _Tsuzuki gasped as shame, anger, and hatred struck him like a blow to the gut. _He knows I did not want this shikigami; I don't want to depend on that kind of power! _ Tsuzuki stumbled away from Terazuma, feeling surprise wafting after him. 

_What is going on!? Those were…Terazuma's thoughts! Why can I hear them? What is happening to me? _Tsuzuki made his way out of the building into the Sakura gardens. He sat down under one of the flowering trees and cradled his head in his hands. His chest hurt as if Terazuma's thoughts had dealt him a physical blow. He had no idea of how much time had passed when he heard soft footsteps behind him.

"You are very predictable Tsuzuki-san. When you are troubled you always come here. What is it about this place, I wonder, that makes you feel more at ease?" 

Tsuzuki answered Tatsumi without looking up. "The flowers, they are so light and delicate. It reminds me of the finer things created in the world." 

Tatsumi paused a moment before settling down by Tsuzuki. "You told me once that since their beauty faded swiftly it reminded you to live in the moment." 

Tsuzuki pulled his knees further up to his chest. "Can this be called living?" He muttered, almost to himself.

Tatsumi just gave him a sad look. "No, but it's what we all wished for. It's what has kept us in this doorway, between life and death. Hoping to snatch something of what we lost."

_What I lost...I'm sorry Kaa-san! _Tsuzuki stiffened again. Now he was hearing Tatsumi! _I could only make you cry...I wanted to protect you! I can't stand watching him...pretend... _Tsuzuki jerked as Tatsumi's tightly controlled emotions came pouring loose. Despair, concern, nostalgia, all were vying for control inside the secretary's heart. Finally it became too much for Tsuzuki to stand. He lurched to his feet and fled the grove. 

"Tsuzuki-san!!" Tatsumi called after him. However, the violet-eyed man would not stop. Meifu was a well of dampened emotions and pain. He could not stay here. He teleported to the real world, stumbling as he materialized. He did not care where he went, as long as he left Meifu and its twisted emotions behind.

Notes (again) : Sort of a twist to what happened in the first two sections but I figure you can all deal. Was it angsty enough? I think I slowed it down a little so it flows better. Thanks to all the recommendations and reviews. Keep 'em coming!


	4. Memories

AN: OOOOOOOOKAY.....here we go again. I've not updated in a while...soooooo it SHOULD be longer, but it's NOT so LUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! hem hem

Insomnia Chapter four: Memories

Tsuzuki leaned against a tree, pressing his face into the rough bark. The sounds and smells of a small wooded area surrounded him. The violet-eyed man tried to let the atmosphere soothe him but nothing could penetrate his confusion and guilt.

_ I don't understand? What's happening? Am I that much of a burden to everyone around me?_ His heart clenched as images of Meifu spun through his mind. Kanoe, Tatsumi, Terazuma, Hisoka, all regarding him with derision.

"Why wouldn't they tell me that I was such an inconvenience?"The tree provided no answers. Tsuzuki pushed away and with hands in his pockets, wound his way through the foliage. At the border of the woods he stopped and stared at the landscape in disbelief.

A field stretched below him, tall grasses waving in a light wind. It was night and the shadow fingers of the trees under the moon stretched across the meadow. Looking in the distance Tsuzuki could make out the lights of a small town. His senses reeled. It wasn't possible, it couldn't be real.

A faint rustling caught his attention. Tsuzuki peered down into the grass. It was waving, bending, parting to admit a small figure. Thin dirt encrusted legs beat at the path then slightly faltered as the figure, a young boy, stumbled and fell with a cry. He quickly hauled himself to his feet and continued his flight, gasping with exertion. The grass behind him was rustling violently now, then a pack of boys broke through in hot pursuit. Tsuzuki's ears picked up the cat calls and insults flung at the solitary runner.

"Freak!"

"Weakling!"

"DEMON!"

The boy spared an instant to look back over his shoulder at his pursuers. Purple eyes flashed in the shadows. Tsuzuki felt his legs begin to buckle, memory surging up within him. He looked to the mob of boys, and saw a stone flung. It hit the fleeing boy in the shoulder and Tsuzuki winced with remembered pain. A barrage of stones followed, and the boy fell to the ground, blood flowing from several cuts. The horde descended on him, Tsuzuki's limbs failed him and he crashed to the ground, hiding his face and trying to cover his ears. The sobs and cries of the boy and the cruel laughter of his tormenters still wormed its way to Tsuzuki's ears.

He didn't know how long he had been curled on the unyielding turf trying not to listen, not to remember. He did not want to lift his head. He knew what he would see past the trees. The child was curled on the ground, tears glistening in his amethyst eyes. He sobbed, his bleeding and broken body still trying to rise, then failing and giving up. The chill from the ground was permeating abused flesh, and then the misted eyes closed in resignation. Tsuzuki remembered. It was the first time he had wanted to die. He had relaxed and let the cold flow through him, chilling his lifeblood. Then his eyes had flown open with surprise as his heart beat grew stronger, his various wounds and bruises faded, and muscles stiff with the cold warmed. It had been the first night he had cheated death, the first time in a long line of future torment.

Tsuzuki pushed to his feet and looked at his younger self who had just done the same. The boy looked at his hands, realizing they were still bloody. He raised one filthy palm to his lips and licked it. Tsuzuki shivered as he watched the boy's eyes grow cold, lips pulling back to bear teeth in a silent snarl. Tsuzuki looked across the field, the lights of the town twinkled against the black night. The yellow lights stretched fingers across the field, but not far enough to touch the boy. He was bathed in moonlight, and the only influence the lights of the town had on him was their reflection in his burning eyes. Tsuzuki took a step forward, reaching out a hand towards the town. He had to warn them, had to save them from himself. He knew however, it was impossible. Wherever he was, it wasn't real. He turned to go back into the woods, hoping to find a way out. He knew his younger self was heading back into the town, Tsuzuki wanted to get away before the screaming started. The town had woken up the demon.

He stumbled around the woods for about half an hour before a fog rose up. Soon it was difficult to see two inches in front of his face. He continued to trudge blindly forward, hands outstretched to warn him of obstacles. It was awhile before he realized that his shoes no longer rustled against dirt and pine needles, but scuffed softly against a hard surface. He stopped and looked around perplexed, but the shroud of mist completely obscured his surroundings. He had been meandering in circles for what felt like ours before he saw a shadow in the distance. Slightly apprehensive but grateful to finally see something through the relentless fog, Tsuzuki approached the shadow slowly. He was fairly close before he could recognize the specter as a human figure. It was a woman. Long dark hair fell down her back and over a plain yet elegant kimono. Tsuzuki stared in shock, he knew that kimono. It was made of plain threadbare flax, dyed to a finer cream color than its original raw white. Hand embroidered butterflies of bronze and copper silk thread fluttered around the collar and hem. The tightly cinched obi was dark burgundy silk, picked out with gold dragonflies. The mass of dark chocolate hair fell around the curve of her face, obscuring her features. Tsuzuki felt tears begin to well in his eyes at the sight of her.

"Ruka?" His voice was barely a whisper; he reached out his hand tentatively to touch her shoulder. She turned her head at the sound of his voice. Tsuzuki took one look at the face of his beloved sister and screamed.


	5. Sakura

AN: Oooookay. This took a while to write. I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to do with it. Took some liberties with the story a little and there are some clues dropped to the actual plot line. it only took 5 chapters to hint at it This is going to be the darkest chapter for a while. Hope you like it!

The soft brown eyes, full of kindness and understanding were gone. Instead, eyes the color of amethyst stared at him through a glaze of pain and suffering. Her once soft delicate nose had become aquiline, and the round curve of her cheek was now angular. Tsuzuki backed up a step as he stared in horror at his mirror image on his sisters' face.

"This is a nightmare, it has to be! Let me out!"

A soft chuckle filled the air. Tsuzuki tried to turn but could not tear his eyes away from his sister's specter. He felt a presence at his back and lips against his ear as the figure behind him murmured,

"It's not a nightmare, it's a memory. But some memories can be our darkest nightmares. Is that not right Tsuzuki?" A shiver pulsed down Tsuzuki's spine as the lips delicately caressed his ear. He spun away and faced Muraki.

"This isn't a memory! YOU did this!"

Muraki smiled lazily, every inch of his body radiating confidence and composure. "It is not my memory, nor is it yours. But it IS a recollection. Perhaps this person does not truly know her, only knows of her. From her appearance it would not be unreasonable to assume that this person also knows you." Placing his hands in the pockets of his white dress slacks, Muraki regarded Tsuzuki calmly; waiting.

Tsuzuki stared back at Muraki through narrowed eyes. "If that's so, why are you showing me this? What do someone else's memories have to do with you?"

Muraki's laugh was deep and cold. "Oh these memories are very much tied to me. That boy doesn't know the half of how he has assisted me. While his interpretation of your past is slightly different from the original it still provides me with valuable information. He can provide me with your feelings, images from your past, a cacophony of vital characteristics that I treasure to no end." His grin took on a savage edge. "But these aren't the only memories I can see."

Muraki raised his hand and snapped his fingers, Tsuzuki found himself in a dark room with a cold bare floor. The room was split in half by a tall wall of wooden bars. On the other side of those bars a child was curled in a corner. Catching his breath, Tsuzuki dropped to his knees and reached a hand through the bars towards the figure. The child didn't notice, his head pressed against his knees. Sobs shook his slight frame and the tiny hands clutched the edge of the yukata around his knees convulsively. Finally the tousled blond head rose and the boy scrubbed his teary face and emerald eyes with the back of one trembling hand. He had just managed to wipe the last of the tears from his cheeks before the door banged open.

The man who entered the room turned hard jade eyes on the small child. "You have been warned Hisoka. You are NEVER to talk about your condition, NEVER."

The child cowered, and then cried out. "I'm sorry! I know! I'm sorry! I'll try harder, please!" The stern expression on his father's face didn't change.

"Your mother wishes me to tell you that you are not to be let out until you can behave properly. She feels a week in here will do you the most good."

Hisoka's head snapped up. His lips trembled and his body quaked with the effort of keeping from sobbing. "A week?" he whimpered softly, then cringed again as his father's eyes snapped with anger.

"It is a minimal punishment compared to what Iwao-san wishes to do. You will not disgrace our family again Hisoka."

"But it's TRUE! He wants you and me and mama dead! All he wants is the family wealth!"

Nagare slammed his hand against the bars, making the boy jump. "Another word boy and it'll be more than just one week you spend in here. I will not hear such slander on any person in the family, especially my older brother." With one last icy look at his son, Nagare turned on his heel and left the room, slamming the door behind him. Hisoka drew a ragged breath as the lock clicked into place.

Tsuzuki had barely moved during the encounter, it was not until Nagare had practically walked through him that he understood that he had no tangible presence in this memory. He gazed at the young Hisoka with tears in his eyes.

"Oh Hisoka, I'm so sorry."

Muraki moved in the shadows and Tsuzuki jumped, he had completely forgotten about the doctors' presence. The silver haired man gazed down at the child and said with a dark grin. "He is so much more enticing when he is older. Thirteen was the perfect age."

Tsuzuki rose to his feet in one swift motion and with a roar of rage, charged at Muraki. With fluid grace Muraki spun him about, trapping one arm behind him, the other at his side. Dragging Tsuzuki's struggling body against him, Muraki once again allowed his lips to caress Tsuzuki's ear.

"The best part is yet to come, Tsuzuki. You should understand how much the boy has hidden from you. Perhaps it will help to understand how strongly that boy is connected to me." Muraki released the arm pinned at Tsuzuki's side and once again snapped his fingers. The surroundings once again shifted from the cold chill of the dark room, to the breezy hilltop bathed in moonlight.

Tsuzuki sucked in a shuddering breath. Hisoka had never told him all of the details of what had happened between him and Muraki, but Tsuzuki had seen enough to guess. Muraki's amusement around the boy, and Hisoka's combination of rage and terror would have been ample clues. Then there were the dreams. Tsuzuki could remember countless times together on missions where Hisoka would wake screaming for help. After Tsuzuki had reassured him, the boy went off alone for a while, not wanting to be touched or looked at. Tsuzuki wanted to close his eyes and shut out Hisoka's memories, it wasn't right to see this. Muraki hissed when Tsuzuki's eyes closed.

"If you won't watch I'll find a way to break him Tsuzuki." He purred. "My target all this time has been you. You know how easily I can find my prey. How long do you think it would take for that boy to shatter completely? I've taken him once. Perhaps three times would do it? More? It is your decision Tsuzuki. I'll keep showing you the memory until you've watched the entire thing. For every time I repeat it, that's one more time I'll break that doll."

Tsuzuki's breath hitched in a soft sob as he opened his eyes and watched as the small thirteen year old boy stood under the Sakura. He saw the boy's head turn towards the moon. The boy's eyes widened as he saw the silhouette of two figures outlined against the crimson orb. Then the figures pulled apart and there was a silvery flash of a knife before it was buried in the woman's chest. The young boy screamed, his outburst reverberating among the trees. The man's head rose to look at him, silver metallic eye glittering coldly.

Tsuzuki felt his heart begin to race. Looking at Muraki from years ago, he truly understood that tint of fear that was always present in Hisoka's face whenever he saw the Doctor. There was something feral yet broken in that gaze. It was a twisted shard of humanity that looked at the young boy underneath the red moon. Tsuzuki barely realized that the current Muraki still had hold of him. He screamed as loud as he could.

"Hisoka! RUN!"

As if he had heard him the boy turned, trying to flee back across the Sakura grove. Muraki was there in the next instant, moving so fast that it had been impossible to see. He caught Hisoka by the back of his yukata. The fabric pulled away from the boy's pale skin, the sleeves falling from narrow shoulders, the front forming a pale V of flesh down his torso as it was pulled from the obi. Hisoka stumbled, falling to the ground as he was caught by his garment. Muraki quickly loosened the obi and pulled the yukata the rest of the way apart. Hisoka surged upwards, trying to break away and run, but Muraki placed a hand on his head and spoke several words. After that touch, the boy slumped to the ground, all resistance gone.

Tsuzuki willed his eyes to cloud and not see when Muraki divested himself of his clothing, when he caressed Hisoka's pale skin. At the man's touch Hisoka tried to resume fighting, straining against the spell that held his body immobile. His cries and sobs for someone to rescue him broke Tsuzuki's heart. Suddenly those sobs were broken by a harsh scream and Hisoka's body convulsed, his back arching upwards with pain as Muraki thrust forward. The silver knife flashed in the dark as the doctor brought it up to trace the boy's skin. Still thrusting steadily above him, Muraki began to cut designs into pale flesh, using the knife and his nails to make the marks. Hisoka's cries were softer now, deadened by pain and fear, a hitched sob that was almost an afterthought to the agony of his violation.

Muraki's movements were faster now, his body pushing against the boy's with more urgency. Taking Hisoka's head in his hands he brought his lips close to the boy's ear. Tsuzuki couldn't hear what was said, but he didn't have to, Muraki's lips were by his ear as well, supplying him with the words.

"You'll forget this bouya, but you won't forget the pain. You are my doll now, my puppet, and you will always feel me inside of you."

Muraki gave one last violent thrust and as he did so, turned Hisoka's head viciously to one side. The sharp crack of breaking bone filled the space now devoid of Hisoka's cries. The bloody pattern on the boy's body flared red and then faded, leaving skin unmarked. Muraki rose from the limp body and casually donned his clothing. He ran his hand gently over the unmoving chest, the curse scars flared under his palm then died away. Still unconscious, Hisoka began to breathe. Muraki stepped away from the boy and looked at him.

"It'll be awhile before your soul realizes that your body is dead. Unfortunately in the few years of agony you have remaining, you will not remember this lovely encounter. But I have my instructions. I expect we will meet again bouya, I will enjoy reminding you of this night."

Tsuzuki had only a few moments to contemplate this statement before he felt Muraki's hand on the back of his neck. Oblivion descended.

AN: Next we go to Meifu! Hisoka is trying to find Tsuzuki, and Enma Daioh and Kanou Kachou have a meeting. Hisoka! You bad little eavesdropper you!


End file.
